"Thank You for Calling PizzaCo "

Stephen R Coffee ©2005

Shades of things to come. There's very little now that would prevent this kind of customer service.

Download the mp3

Thank you for calling PizzaCo
I see 555-1210
Mr. Jackson, how are you today
Now if you’ll just confirm for me
Your Homeland Security ID
I’ll get your pizza started Yo
That’s what I’m saying

I see here that you often buy
Our extra Gordo Meaty Pie
Well here’s on offer from your HMO
The ChickaSoy low carb low fat’s
On two-for-one they tell us that
Your cholesterol’s been running awful high
Is this to go?

Now calm down, settle down
Welcome to the new century
You may as well get hip
To this new relationship
We’re your full-service pizza company

Your pizza’s cooking, come and get it
Bring cash though, you ain’t got no credit
In fact I see you’ve fallen on hard times
Something about child support
Yeah I’ve got your credit report
It’s all so we can serve you better
Oh now, don’t whine

Since you’re coming this-a-way
You might as well stop in and pay
That fine, you know those books are overdue
You’ve also got some movies out
“Babes gone wild” what’s that about?
We’re learning more about you every day
And you’re the dude

Now calm down, settle down
There’s no use to complain any more
We know what you do
And how you do it when you do it
You’d be amazed what we can sell that for

Your profile says you use Vitalis
Old Spice, Right Guard, Cialis
Seems you’ve got those Baby Boomer Blues
Well our PharmaSausage double decker
Will put the life back in your wife
Ask your doctor’s answering service if it’s
Right for you

Well I’m really not supposed to say
But the FBI and the CIA
Are keeping tabs on what you have for lunch
I’m not saying that you owe me
But terrorists don’t eat pepperoni
So I bet your going to be okay
That’s just a hunch

Now calm down, settle down
You shouldn’t talk like that on the phone
You don’t want to go back in
For anger management
So goodbye 555-1210

And thank you for calling PizzaCo